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29 July 2005 @ 10:15 pm
Fic. It's quite shaggable, really.  
Title: Everybody Wants You
Author: aces
Rating: Um, it’s up there, though there’s nothing *too* graphic.
Warnings: Sex, more sex, and a side of sex, please. (I’d go into the whole Spam sketch, but it just doesn’t have the same ring to it.) Takes place all over the—er, place, and if you haven’t seen the original series then I’m not sure how much sense *any* of this will make, but I am an unapologetic Old Skool fan. Also, throw in the occasional book ref for I am really quite a *rude* fan. Also also, major caricaturing here (the 1973 vignette is evil).
Notes: Takes place before Jack meets Rose & the Doctor. And this entire thing started because my brain insisted Jack needed to meet Harry Sullivan the sailor. So there.

Everybody Wants You


Fitz Kreiner found himself being shoved against a door to a room above a pub as another man snogged him senseless.

Not exactly the way I’d ever pictured them Victorians, the thought crossed his mind, but he wasn’t paying it much attention with somebody else’s tongue stuck down his throat and all.

The other man had sat down across from him at his table a few hours before, all grinning charm and overwhelming presence and had proceeded to totally demoralize and overwhelm him, while drinking him under the table (almost literally; when Fitz tried to stand up, his legs seemed to think he actually wanted to go down).

And then the other man had taken his hand, and spoken to the landlord, and led him up the stairs to this room and proceeded to use Fitz’s body to close the door (among other purposes).

He didn’t know why the other man had singled him out. He didn’t know what the other man wanted, beyond giving Fitz Kreiner a tonsillectomy that he could have done without (though with this one, he didn’t need anaesthetic, and really, it was the most pleasant surgery he’d ever heard of). He wasn’t even entirely sure what the other man’s name was, but he thought he’d caught a Jack in there somewhere.

He didn’t really care. As soon as the man had slipped into his booth in the back corner, as soon as the man had slid his gloves off and smiled slyly at Fitz, as soon as the man had introduced himself with a startling American accent and chattered at him effortlessly about nothing at all, Fitz had stopped caring what the other man wanted from him.

He reminded Fitz Kreiner irresistibly, strangely, impossibly of someone else, and tonight, that was enough.


2354, a different planet entirely

Ace was not one to get taken in easily.

So when some guy started to follow her around the outdoor market—he didn’t do too bad a job, but her ears were twitching and he was a couple inches taller than a lot of the people around him, not to mention the different skin color and only the two arms—she decided not to wait around for him to make the first move.

She picked up a fruit that was kinda like a tomato, only it was supposed to be that yellowish-blue color, feeling it to see how ripe it was, and then she whirled around and threw it at him.

Direct hit.

A few other people at the market glanced up at the slapping sound of fruit hitting skin under fabric; some laughed, some looked quickly away. The man was staring down at his navy blue shirt, which now had yellow juice running down it.

“Ow,” he said, and looked up at Ace with a wounded puppy-dog look that she was sure he must’ve practiced in the mirror. “Was that really necessary?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Keep following me and I’ll find something a little more lethal than a fruit that leaves permanent stains.”

He groaned. “I’ll never be able to pay off my dry-cleaning bill.”

Ace frowned. “Who the hell are you?”

He’d taken a spotless handkerchief out of his trouser pocket, and now he was carefully wiping at the mess on his shirt. “Captain Jack Harkness,” he said, not looking up at her but walking casually up to join her. “And I have a proposition for you. Or I did, till you decided to play at target practice with my clothing…”

She snorted and turned away. “Sorry, not interested.”

“So you’re not here tracking an anachronistic object that’s fallen through time?” Captain Jack asked innocently, still apparently deeply involved in his shirt.

Ace tensed and turned back to him. “So that was you?” she asked. “I’m listening.”

He bought her the local equivalent of coffee while he talked, and when he tried to put a hand up her shirt she kicked him in the knee, promising in no uncertain terms that if he tried that again she’d aim higher next time.

She did buy him a new shirt though.



He had caught Peri’s eye almost the moment she entered the dance club with her group of friends. He was in the middle of the floor, white tank and black jeans and hair slicked up, dancing like there was no tomorrow.

“Who’s the stud?” she asked, nudging Jill and tilting her head in his direction. Jill followed with her eyes and froze. “Ever seen him here before?”

“Nuh-uh,” Jill said, still staring and slightly open-mouthed. Peri snickered. “Hey Tag!” she yelled over the music, leaning back to smack the blond sitting on the other side of Jill. “Know him?”

Tag glanced up in irritation from the conversation Peri had interrupted, then froze to stare at the mysterious new guy. “Nooooo,” he drawled, “though I’d like to.”

Peri started grinning again. “Wouldn’t we all,” she said, and slipped away from the table.

She worked her way up to him slowly, dancing around the edges of the crowd and working her way inward like it was a natural accident. When she finally found herself dancing next to him, her heart was racing and her hair was thoroughly soaked.

She barely even got a chance to glance up at him and give him her best flirtatious smile before he was moving with her, hands all over her, and she threw her arms possessively up around his neck and barely even noticed how sweaty they both were, skin sliding slickly over skin.

The music moved into a slow song, and she kept her arms right where they were, and he had his arms comfortably around her waist, hands just above her ass, like he had no plan to move them anytime soon, and he grinned down at her. Dimple, she thought, and for a few seconds her brain couldn’t stutter past that thought.

“Hi,” he said.

Hi,” Peri answered, and tried to stop grinning like a damned idiot.

“Awfully hot in here, isn’t it?” he continued casually. “Wanna step outside for a minute?”

“Oh yeah,” Peri said, and wondered if she were still breathing.

He led her off the dance floor, toward the restrooms, and they happened to pass the table of Peri’s friends, who cheered when they saw her. Her new friend rewarded them all with a brilliant smile, while Peri blushed and tugged at him to continue. (Tag looked a little disappointed. Peri promised she’d fill him in on all the details and cheer him up later.)

And the mysterious stranger had her up against the wall in the corridor past the restrooms, and she had her legs wrapped around him to keep herself upright (she wasn’t that flexible), and this was seriously the best night she’d had in ages.

Later, after he’d discreetly zipped up his jeans and she’d rearranged her skirt and blouse, he’d thrown an arm around her shoulders and said, “So, what about that blond guy who was looking at us?”


In the center of the universe, sometime in the distant future

“You don’t belong here,” Nyssa said, startled. She’d turned the corner and stopped, staring at the intruder.

“Uh, you’re right,” he’d grinned sheepishly, the sort of grin that promised it was all an honest mistake and she had no reason to worry. It was a grin she recognized and made her instantly wary. “I’ve kinda gotten myself turned around.”

“Then I suggest you turn around again and leave,” Nyssa answered, somewhat tartly, clutching a container of Hydromel. “There’s nothing for you here, and you don’t want to stay.”

“Is that any way to treat a poor, lost stranger?” he protested, and he looked in earnest. “I can’t even seem to find my way back to the docking bay for my ship.”

Nyssa looked him over and sighed. “You really don’t know where you are, do you?”

He shrugged. “Some of my ship’s sensors are malfunctioning.”

“So you thought you’d see if you could ‘borrow’ some things from us to repair them?” Nyssa asked dryly, starting down the corridor again. He fell into step beside her with a self-confidence she found almost staggering.

“Well, yeah,” and again with the sheepish smile, which was a little naughtier than the sheepish smile she’d compared it to the first time she’d seen it, and it took her a moment to feel the answering smile tugging at her own face. She suppressed it.

“I’m afraid I doubt very much we have anything that would help you,” she said. “We’re not exactly the most well-supplied medical ship.”

“Medical ship?” he asked, his whole demeanor transforming from conciliatory to alert.

“Yes,” she said, glancing at him. “You really don’t know where you are, do you?”

In the end, she took pity on him, and scrounged him up a few parts that would repair most of the sensor problems he described to her, and when she took him to her bed that night before he left, he was very gentle and very, very grateful.



“Oh, I say,” said Harry, wonderingly.

A man swung around in a very strange-looking chair and stared at Harry in something akin to astonishment.

“You have to be the first person I have ever met,” said the other man—an American, apparently, “to accidentally walk into an invisible spaceship, while it was still invisible.”

“It’s not as if I expected to walk into your—invisible spaceship, now, is it?” Harry retorted, nettled. “Now, look here, old chap, you can’t just leave things like this lying about where anyone could trip over them.”

“People usually don’t trip over it,” the other man answered, slipping out of his chair and taking the four steps necessary to stand a little too close to Harry. Harry took a step back, warily. The other man smiled, and held out his hand.

“Captain Jack Harkness,” he said.

Harry paused, then reluctantly shook the captain’s hand. “Harry Sullivan,” he said. “And I meant what I said, Captain. I ought to call in UNIT,” he added in a mutter, looking about the cramped ship again in disbelief.

“UNIT?” Captain Harkness repeated attentively, and when Harry glared at him suspiciously, he immediately smiled again and put a hand around Harry’s shoulders. “Look, Mr Sullivan…”

“Doctor,” Harry interrupted, somewhat stiffly.

“Sorry, Doctor Sullivan,” the captain immediately corrected himself in a soothing tone. “We don’t need to involve the authorities here, I promise. I just stopped off for a moment to grab some supplies and I will be on my way just as soon as we get you off my ship. Okay?” His smile, impossibly, brightened.

“And I’m supposed to believe you, am I?” Harry snorted. “Sorry, old chap, but I’ve dealt with a fair few alien incursions—”

“Hey!” the captain protested, holding up his hands in a near-universal sign of surrender. “One guy here! And I swear I just wanted to get some food. The stuff this computer comes up with is not what I would call gourmet cuisine, you know?”

Harry smiled a little, despite himself, and then ruthlessly smothered the smile. “Who are you?” he asked. “Captain of what?” When the other man hesitated, he raised his eyebrows and asked dryly, “Are there many Americans with invisible spaceships these days?”

Captain Harkness winced wryly. Then he looked around, as if ensuring nobody else was in the ship—as if anyone could hide in there!—and stepped even closer to Harry, his arm sliding slyly back around Harry’s shoulders.

“Would you believe me if I told you I was a time traveller?” he asked confidentially.

Harry frowned. “You don’t know the Doctor at all, do you?” he asked slowly.

“Who?” the captain said.

“Never mind,” Harry sighed, and straightened up, looking the captain directly in the eye. “I’m sorry, Captain, but I simply have to call in reinforcements. I’m sure you understand.”

“Of course,” the captain sighed in disappointment, stepping back as Harry turned away and dug a bulky phone out of his overcoat.

Harry was still dialling when he felt the other man put a gentle hand on his back.

“I don’t suppose we could talk about this a little more?” Jack asked persuasively when Harry turned back to look at him.



It started when Jo walked into the Doctor’s laboratory—no sign of the Doctor, or his TARDIS—and discovered a tall, dark, handsome, and mysterious stranger.

“Hey!” she exclaimed. “You don’t belong here!”

Somehow, and Jo was a bit fuzzy later on the details, he managed to persuade her he was harmless, lost, and really very extremely friendly. She vividly remembered the very extremely friendly part, actually, because probably not more than forty-five minutes later Captain Yates discovered them in a somewhat compromising position, making use of the Doctor’s work table.

Mike was all set to call the alarm, yell for the Brigadier, put the man in irons, etc, when said man smiled at him, spoke soothingly, put a comradely hand on the captain’s arm, etc. Jo also quite enthusiastically added her persuasive support. And within twenty minutes or so their collective positions got a tad more compromising.

When Sgt. Benton entered the picture, it surely seemed likely that things would end then and there and the stranger would finally get locked up, interrogated, and generally receive the distinct impression that he had most assuredly trespassed on the wrong property.

But Captain Yates said silkily, “That’s an order, Sergeant,” and the tall, dark, handsome, and mysterious stranger was grinning at him, and Jo was looking quite pleading (and a little bit undressed, but then, she wasn’t the only one), and really, Benton had no choice in the matter.

And it didn’t quite end when the Brigadier walked in on the scene and raised his eyebrows, either.



Polly had headed to the Inferno her first night back in 1966, when Ben immediately deserted her for barracks. (She didn’t mind. Much. Really. After all, she didn’t want him court-martialled or whatever they did to deserters in the Merchant Navy.) She needed to see London for herself, modern London, home London, and she needed to celebrate her homecoming somehow.

It didn’t feel much like a homecoming. Technically only gone a day, and now that she was back she wasn’t really sure why it had seemed so important before to return. She was already finding it all a bit dull.

Ah well, never mind, she consoled herself. Just need time to settle in.

And what better way to settle in than a visit with Kitty and listening to some fab music?

It was exactly as she remembered it (she almost expected to see Ben sitting at the corner of the bar, brooding) and already she felt like this had been a bad idea.

And she found herself sitting at the corner of the bar, brooding.

“This is terrible,” she told herself out loud, fists pressed up to her cheeks.

“Yeah, I know,” an American said next to her, startling her and making her drop her pose to gape up at him. He was leaning his elbows against the bar, looking out over the dancers with a frown. “They call this dancing?” He shook his head and looked over at Polly, frown melting into a warm smile. “Hi,” he said and held out a hand. “Jack.”

She shook his hand, blinking. “Hello,” she answered. “I’m Polly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before?”

“You haven’t,” he answered, “and you probably won’t see me here again, if this is what people are listening to this decade. Whatever happened to Benny Goodman? Django Rhinehardt? Glenn Miller?”

Polly blinked again. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You don’t look like you’re my father’s age.”

Jack laughed at that, and Polly grinned, pleased, perking up a bit. He had a lovely smile. “I just have good taste,” he said, and he looked her over appreciatively as he said it, and she flushed.

“Well, Jack,” Polly said with sudden energy, “are you going to just stand there or are you going to buy a poor thirsty girl a drink?”

Jack was still grinning, and the evening was definitely beginning to look up. “I can always be relied upon to be a gentleman,” he said with an elaborate, elegant bow. “What’ll you have?”

Ben was in barracks for the night anyway.



“Sexy cardie,” a voice grinned, and Ian swung around to frown at the owner of the voice.

A young man with slightly floppy hair, wearing unassuming trousers and a muted sweater, and yet he failed totally to blend in with everyone around him at the quiet pub by being approximately twice as alive as the staid regulars and half their average age.

“Seriously,” the man continued, sliding onto the stool next to Ian’s. “Aren’t you about twenty years too young to wear something like that? Or are you trying to win the Dowdy Award of the Year?”

Ian continued to frown at him. It was his best repressive frown, and judging by the way his students had acted in lab today, it needed the practice.

The other man looked him over consideringly. “You are,” he decided, and grinned again. “What, nobody respect that lovely baby face of yours?”

The frown slid neatly into a scowl, and Ian turned back to brood in pointed silence over the scotch he was nursing.

A hand on his back, and Ian ducked a quick look. The other man was leaning into him, confidingly, having ordered a drink from the bartender when he was looking away. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “Nobody respects me either.”

Ian snorted. “And are you in a position of authority?”

He shrugged carelessly, flashing a smile up when his drink was set down in front of him. He took a sip. “I used to be.”

Ian tilted his head to one side, puzzled. “Used to be.” He snorted again, turning back to his own drink. “And you call me a baby face?”

The other man chuckled. “Touché.”

He ordered Ian another drink and insisted on paying for it, and Ian found himself talking about the frustrations of a general sciences teacher while the other man—Jack—listened and nodded and looked sympathetic and made appropriate agreeing noises at all the right places. And at the end of the evening, Ian looked up into Jack’s eyes and said with all sincerity, “Thanks for listening, Jack. Really.”

Jack grinned, and leant forward, and kissed him full on the lips.

Ian looked startled.

“My pleasure,” said Jack.
Current Mood: mischievousmischievous
Current Music: "Era (long version)"
Worrals: right-olivii on July 30th, 2005 04:59 am (UTC)
Oh man, I loved this! I haven't seen all the assistants you wrote about in action yet, but it still all felt really true to what I know. And it was really fun and well put-together.

And the bit about Harry - “Oh, I say,” said Harry, wonderingly. and also “It’s not as if I expected to walk into your—invisible spaceship, now, is it?” Harry retorted, nettled. “Now, look here, old chap, you can’t just leave things like this lying about where anyone could trip over them.” Eee! That's so wonderful. Absolutely perfect.
aces: harry!wishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
Hee! Thanks! I'm glad you at least knew *some* of the peeps (and some of them are a bit hard to find, these days...like Polly...)

I'd just watched "Ark in Space" before writing that section, which is the only possible way to get Harry's voice. :-D
(no subject) - livii on July 30th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 04:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Megan: Tenth Doctorpurplelavender on July 30th, 2005 06:10 am (UTC)

I love the range of characters you picked, rather glad you didn't get Dodo, *shudders*
The section with Jo and the rest was a good laugh, I could see the Brig being a bit "wtf" about it all.
aces: TEN! with extra pinstripewishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC)
There was no way I was going to do Dodo. For one thing, I think I've only seen her in about two stories... ;)

And, hee! The Brig. ha.

Thanks for reading! :-D
Grandmum: w Jack hero by kataklysmiasanda56 on July 30th, 2005 08:57 am (UTC)
This was great - so original! I was surprised to find I remembered most of the assistants. Shame all Jack got out of Ace was a new shirt. ;)
aces: thoughtful fivewishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC)
Maybe if he runs into her agan and she's in the right mood....


Glad you liked!
warinbabylonwarinbabylon on July 30th, 2005 01:01 pm (UTC)
Excellent! Really!

You pegged all of the companions on the spot. That's a feat, as you used a fair amount of them. :D

aces: anti-angstwishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC)
I thought about using every single one of them, but my head exploded briefly, so I decided to go with one (or) so from each Doctor.


Thanks for reading!
Calapine: hello Jackcalapine on July 30th, 2005 02:04 pm (UTC)
Marry me? Please, please, please? And then have a box and just sit in it and write in it all day, yes? :D::D:D:D

Yes, this was Gorgeous and Edible and I am Upset that I got to the end and must now go and read and Squee Greatly again and Marry the fic a bit too, yes.

“Oh, I say,” said Harry, wonderingly.

A man swung around in a very strange-looking chair and stared at Harry in something akin to astonishment.

“You have to be the first person I have ever met,” said the other man—an American, apparently, “to accidentally walk into an invisible spaceship, while it was still invisible.”


Just so much fun and so much Marvellous, Marvellous Jack, and all beautifully done indeed! :D :D
aces: ben!wishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC)

And can I squee at your feedback? Because, yes, this is fun. :-D

(And yes, Jack *had* to meet Harry. It was Destiny.)
Mireillemireille719 on July 30th, 2005 02:15 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is lovely. Just incredible.
aces: would you buy a used TARDISwishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
(Deleted comment)
aces: harry!wishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
How *else* could Harry act? This is Harry!

Whee. *giddy grin*
Doyle: acedoyle_sb4 on July 30th, 2005 03:50 pm (UTC)
calapine beat me to the marriage proposal, damn her. This is so perfect, especially the Jack/Jo/Yate/Benton/possibly-Brig section. Absolute genius.
aces: acewishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 04:28 pm (UTC)
*evil laugh*

That was terrible. I still have in my original draft "But what would Three say?"

And, hee! Glad you enjoyed!
(no subject) - doyle_sb4 on July 30th, 2005 04:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 04:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - doyle_sb4 on July 31st, 2005 01:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
yonmei on July 30th, 2005 05:24 pm (UTC)
Aw. 'Tis adorable.
aces: distancewishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
Heh. Proving once and for all that Jack *will* shag his way through the universe.


Thanks for reading!
gwynnega: Zoe calapinegwynnega on July 30th, 2005 07:01 pm (UTC)
This is marvelous! You did such a brilliant job with all the companions, and of course with Jack! ::applauds::
aces: squee!wishfulaces on July 30th, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad to hear you say that. :-D
Dark Impressive Respected Sweetiecookiemuffin: Drunken Sorting Hatlycoris on August 1st, 2005 08:29 pm (UTC)
Was linked to this by calpine. This. Was. So. Good. And so damn funny. I think I liked the UNIT bit the best. The whole thing was halarious. Brilliant. :)
aces: would you buy a used TARDISwishfulaces on August 2nd, 2005 04:40 am (UTC)
Ahhh, UNIT...Benton just knows how to follow orders.

*utterly innocent grin*

Glad you liked! :-D
Rhirhipowered on August 3rd, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC)
Muahaha! Ace! And Peri! Woo!

Though he never DOES seem to run into the Doctor.

Great work.
aces: absinthewishfulaces on August 4th, 2005 05:31 am (UTC)
Hee! Peri totally rocks, I have to say. :-D

And, you know? I didn't want him running into any previous Doc. I think it would have skewed things too much.

Thanks for reading!
Lady Morgeilmorgeil on August 12th, 2005 01:41 pm (UTC)
I just read Ian/Jack...

I'm not sure whether to be amused or disturbed. ;)
aces: absinthewishfulaces on August 12th, 2005 02:42 pm (UTC)
In my mind, this is one of the few vignettes that doesn't end in shagging. Mostly because Ian's head would explode.

And this is before he met Barbara. :)

(Though it'd make a great conversation... "I once kissed a man. Well, he kissed me..." "Oh, really? I often kiss a man.")
(no subject) - morgeil on August 12th, 2005 02:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wishfulaces on August 12th, 2005 07:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - morgeil on August 18th, 2005 10:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wishfulaces on August 18th, 2005 08:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
pextheunalivepextheunalive on August 12th, 2005 03:15 pm (UTC)
Lovely, quite lovely. Favorite segments were:

Humor - Ace and Harry

Hormones - Peri (though normally I don't like her so much)

Horror - UNIT orgy, Ian (the look on his face had to have been priceless!)
aceswishfulaces on August 12th, 2005 07:46 pm (UTC)
Hee hee!

As for Peri--she isn't necessarily my most favorite companion ever, but I think this setting just *suits* her too much.

And oh yes, the UNIT incident...I still feel a bit guilty about that. (Not about Ian--Jack was only being nice!) ;)

Thanks for reading!
Olwentenebraeli on August 15th, 2005 12:19 am (UTC)
Bloody brilliant, the whole thing!!
aces: dickens magicwishfulaces on August 15th, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
Thank you! :o)

(Also, excellent use of a wonderful line in your icon.)